the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
