so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
