This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize