I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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