Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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