the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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