its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
