My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
