I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry my hands just texted you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
