I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize