you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
