He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
