Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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