Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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