So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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