Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
