she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
