Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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