Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
