not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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