My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
