why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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