Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
