At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize