please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
