You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
