so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
