I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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