honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
