I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
