Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize