I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
