so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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