So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Randomize