i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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