Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
