Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
