Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
