It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
