Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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