I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
