I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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