I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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