My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
