I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
