Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
