I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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