That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had sex on a roof
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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