There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were trust falling into bushes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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