Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize