You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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