Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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