He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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