It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
