dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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