I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
