did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
