...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
