Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have fence marks all over my body
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
