So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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