And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
