Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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