how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
