New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
